I, however, have had to work the past two weeks and therefore haven't been able to travel. But, we did get a three day weekend last weekend for the Emperor's birthday and we decided to go to Osaka. Osaka is about a two and a half hour train ride away, right on the edge of what I would classify as doable as a day trip. However, Osaka is one of the largest cities in Japan, third largest I think, behind Tokyo and another city that is connected to Tokyo, and has a famous nightlife so we decided to get a hotel and spend the night.
We started late because I went to the wrong platform for our train. So, we had to wait an hour at the train station for the next train. That sucked. And when the next train came the only open seats were on the smoking car. That sucked. Well, I need to clarify open seats, and this is something that kind of pisses me off quite frankly. In the unreserved cars people will sit and put their jacket and bag on the seat next to them instead of on the rack above the seats or on the floor between their feet.
Plenty of space for bags above the seats, and some people use them, but not many.
And granted, I know why they do this, so that they have more space and don't have to sit next to somebody. And I guess it is effective in Japan, they are so damned accommodating that they generally won't ask someone to move their stuff. Well, that shit is gonna end. There is no way I am either standing up for three hours or sitting in a smoking car for three hours on the way to and from Tokyo. Not gonna happen. Someone is gonna get looked at until they move their stuff. Damn being culturally appropriate.
Anyway, got to Osaka train station and man was it crowded! Got there on a Sunday evening at around 5 and it seemed like rush hour. I don't know if it was a light time but if it was I would hate to see it busy! Sooooo many people. The directions our hotel gave us told us to take a particular subway line, and one thing about Japan, generally really well marked in English, especially at train stations and in bigger cities. Not so much for our subway line. The rest of the subway lines had nice hanging signs from the ceiling so you could see them from far away and continue in the right direction as you were travelling. Our subway line, handwritten on cardboard and taped to the wall. Yeah, took us more than a couple of minutes to figure out where to go. And once we got to the subway place couldn't find where to buy tix. Luckily I have the amazing power of.....asking people. In English, not Japanese. Works everytime. "Where can I buy tickets?" "Over there [with a smile while grumbling something in Japanese that probably means retard]"
The subway ticket machines weren't so easy, as they were only in Japanese but we figured it out. The nice thing about Japanese trains/mass transit, you can pay the minimum fee to get thru the gate and then pay the extra on the way out. Very nice, all you have to do is figure out the minimum.
Speaking of nice, people in Japan are so nice. We weren't sure which way to go on the subway line and couldn't read any of the signs since they were in Kanji. So, using my amazing asking powers I asked someone standing in line for the train (I have mentioned they line up for the trains in neat little orderly lines, not just crammed on the platform, and the trains are so exact they have little spots to line up at knowing that is exactly where the train will stop every time) if they could tell us the direction to go in for our stop. Well, this couple was trying to help us so much that their train came and went and they didn't even pause to consider getting on it. Eventually we saw a sign and were able to figure out which way to go. And turns out the next train was about a minute behing the last train, so no biggie to have missed it, but still, pretty nice of them.
Got off the train, didn't know where to go, went out and used my superpowers once again. Lady I asked didn't know where hotel was, so she took it upon herself to ask three other people where the hotel was until someone knew exactly where to go. Amazing how helpful they are.
Got to the hotel no problem, got checked in and got a great room. Well, I considered it great. Twin beds, heated toilet, satellite radio. What more could you ask for? Speaking of the satellite radio, it was possibly the highlight of my trip. Not because it was so great, there were some good stations on there, they had a classic rock station, an all Beatles station, some live feeds from stations in LA and NYC (both "urban hits" stations unfortunately) but they also had entire stations dedicated to: the Happy Birthday song, over and over and over on a loop (Do you know how short the birthday song is and how much that must repeat, that is a good way to torture somebody, and I did for about 5 minutes until it was torturing me as well), the Rocky theme in case you need to get pumped up for a big meeting I guess, a station of birdcalls, a station called mother's heartbeat that sounded like you were in the womb, that is creepy as hell, a station called "music for pets," all these fantastic strange (okay, Japanese) things. I loved it and spent hours playing around with the different channels on the radio.
This is going to be the worst Osaka post ever, I am just going to talk about the hotel and the toilet.
Here is the sign on the bathroom. I love it "you will upset the other Hotel's clients" not this hotel's clients, the "other hotel's clients." I imagine the fire alarm going off in the hotel down the block and people getting mad.
The tiny yugata they give you to relax in. Basically like a light bathrobe except not absorbant. Also, maybe only tiny to me.
Oh yeah, and Osaka, epicenter of Yakuza, so no short sleeves for me there, EVER. Guess I won't be going back in the summer anytime soon.
The amazing fancy Japanese toilet. With heated seat and buttons for "bidet" and "shower." I can't express how much I love these toilets. They are so nice. Why don't we have these in America? Almost every hotel and many restaraunts have these toilets, and from what I can tell, most people's homes have them as well. they are just fantastic. Some even have automatic seats so you never have to touch the filthy filthy dirty toilet with your hands, just the buttons.
The control panel. It is like sitting on the Enterprise. I don't know if you can tell from this pic, but the bidet pic is water shooting up a man's ass. The knob on the front controls how strong you want the water, and the lights in the back control how warm the seat is, warm or hot. Yeah, fantastic!
Mind you, it is a bit disconcerting to feel the water hit you at first, but it is just nice and I feel so darned clean afterwards.
When that first stream hits you this is the face you make.
The one thing I don't like about the toilet, and this might be a small thing, but look at this
The seat of the toilet half overhangs the rim of the bowl. So, if you sit down with your ass centered you are going to pee on the rim of the toilet and then all over the floor and be disgusting. So, if you want to do both 1 and 2 (see mom, I am trying to keep it as clean as possible) you have to move around a lot, back and forth and that is just not the grand experience I am looking for. This has happened to me with many of these toilets, I think it is because the electronic part is an aftermarket add-on to a standard toilet bowl set up and the bowls are shorter than the seat contraption. Either way, not ideal.
Well, time to get going. My computer time for the day is up. Wasn't Osaka fun?
Last thing, apparently I brush my teeth funnily.
What?
and I guess this blog title is misleading. Oh well, will write more when I get a chance. Going to Tokyo tomorrow until after the new year so maybe not for quite a while. But at least I will have lots to write about when I get back.
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